I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
