She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
