Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
