Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
