the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i think i just lost a toe
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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