i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
