Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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