thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
