if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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