Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
