My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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