awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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