A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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