I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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