I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
