Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
