What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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