chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
