This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
