am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I deserve this hangover.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
