If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my being single is dangerous.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize