Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
