If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
