You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize