you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize