Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
