I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize