you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
