my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
