Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
