At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
