"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
