If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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