We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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