Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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