Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
