While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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