My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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