i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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