sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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