You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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