I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
