What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
