It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
