i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
