Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
