dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
