i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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