All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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