Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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