You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
