O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
