One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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