Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
