Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
