Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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