Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
