The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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