anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
