I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
