Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
