The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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