i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
