Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
