haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
