**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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