so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
