I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
