My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
