Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
