He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
either way he was missing a nipple.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
