He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
