Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
